dag tre

I admit, I was romanticizing the idea of solitude in a dark Nordic city on my birthday. I thought what a great time to stare myself down! and so it very much is....

however, I didn't factor in several inconvenient factors that might make this experiment a bit more brutal, such as: 

-jet lag. i actually had the thought I only needed about 16 hours a day of spirally introspection, not 22, god damn it. there are few things worse than insomnia, especially when you can't be noisy or move around too much because...

-my airbnb host has a rather bristly vibe. he's polite enough once engaged, but otherwise comes off as rather terse and aloof. his online reviews pretty much stated the same thing, so I know it's not personal, but it also doesn't compel me to, like, hang out. when I left tonight he was blaring a soccer game (he's French) and noisily frying bacon. I didn't tell him it's my birthday. what would he do, congratulate me?

-the lair is frigid. all my wet clothes from yesterday were still wet this morning after being draped over the cold radiator all night. I have a delightful feather duvet but if I'm not under that, my nose starts running and my fingers turn grey. it's maybe 60F. the shower is fucking sublime, though- it has one of those huge water-pik heads that practically throws you against the wall with pressure, and it's hot as hell. I took three showers yesterday to warm back up, sneakily, when he wasn't there to think I'm wasteful and 'Merican and weird. 

-this is my 39th day without alcohol, so I don't have that to fall back on. it's my own imposed rule and I could break it at any time- I mean, fuck it! it's my birthday and I'm on vacation! what else am I supposed to do? but I'm not. so I've been to a lot of cafes and the coffee is not helping the jet lag... it's a silly circle. the same thing happened when I went to Iceland in 2011- booze was so prohibitively expensive and it was so fucking dark that I stayed in my room most of the time, wide awake and sober and restless as fuck, watching trashy Welsh programming until I either fell asleep or the sky finally lightened. let's just say... I really wish certain things were legal everywhere. I am very much looking forward to returning to Washington in that respect. 

-I got lost as fuck today. Copenhagen is an anti-grid: roads are serpentine and either abruptly end or dwindle off in a whimsical direction, and not one of them is at a 90 degree angle to another. it's charming and fanciful if you have a vague idea where you are or if you want to stroll cozily for hours, which is usually, happily, me. but if ever you don't, you quickly realize that 1. very few streets have signs, and 2. it's so flat that you can't get your bearings, and 3. this is especially irksome when yesterday's snow has turned into icy slush with huge puddles. my waterproof boots failed me. I ended up wandering for hours into some suburb. a very nice man gave me directions ("oh, that's too far to walk!" he said when I told him where I was trying to get back to; besides, it was getting dark and my legs were numb) and I still ended up waiting on the incorrect train platform in the snot-loosening wind for 45 minutes. 

-however! the cafe I am currently at is alternating between playing Air and the xx, and it's far warmer here than at my temporary lair and they have free wifi and it looks like this: 

so life is good again. hygge helps a lot. I'm done venting now. thank you. 

*

today's meander:

note the umbrella. I have passed several such rejects today.

Nørrebro.

swans! and swan asses! 

everyone was still out in the hostile clime. little kids were strapped to the backs of bicycles that skidded over the slush. people looked uncomfortable but not unhappy. it was really lovely. 

the view from my subterranean morning discovery. 

and my delightful Danish breakfast. 

more aesthetically assuaging shit. 

I nearly bought this because everything about the packaging is fucking awesome. I love the dude in the lower corner. 

the Tørvehallen food market. one building is savory, one sweet. it's a sexy fucking place.  

there were free samples. 

everything was stupidly attractive. 

smørrebrød. 

I didn't buy anything, but I had some free nougat and tried a patchouli-scented salt scrub because there's no one around here to offend with my hippie bullshit. 

*

back in Vesterbro. I appreciate the editing.

there is dog shit tidily arranged atop this snow clump! as if it landed there naturally! perhaps it did! 

a Danish post-shindig. 

and just a snake draped over a fence. 

I will say: "enduring" such a holiday alone has always been a fear of mine. ultimately, no one really wants to be alone, really alone, do they? but it's very nice to have the option and the means to be a tourist in the world of utter isolation if you so desire. and it's been a pretty goddamn good day. always do new stuff on holidays! 

that said: thank you for being there, however far away.