the newer normal

gettin' lucky. wait... 

my old building is still not demolished. apparently the entire block will be uprooted. proposed in its place? 2 towers, one 7 stories and one 11, with about 500 residences and street-level commercial space... likely to be occupied by, like, a Pilates studio and a small-dog daycare. and there's already a Subway nearby, so maybe a pho place instead. I'm getting depressingly accurate at this. 

*

I threw a rotten pumpkin off this roof once. 

two nights ago I had a dream. I'm walking along this shiny orange metal ledge, at least 15 floors above a dark empty industrial street. it's the middle of the night. the ledge is illuminated quite brightly by lights attached to the building. a gleaming copper-colored dumpster is in my way. I'm already feeling intense vertigo and don't look down shit don't look down. I have barely any space to move around the dumpster so I hold onto it to steady me as I inch by, but it's fucking empty and as effectual in stabilizing me as grasping an empty carton of milk would be and suddenly it and I are slow-motion-falling off the ledge. I let go of the dumpster and think this is how I'm gonna die? seriously? a weird lazy lucidity takes over, hey you, make this a flying dream, but I can't. I grab onto the rough concrete wall of the building- no windows, only random bits of rebar. I'm holding on by two fingers and it can't last. if I let go of this I will definitely fall and die. there's nothing left to catch me. and I make myself wake up. 

*

points contemplated later: 1. didn't actually die, or get to that point. 2. letting go of garbage/useless shit, even if it was empty and beautifully hued. 3. narrow path of my favorite shade of brilliant cheerful orange... there was actually something rather fanciful and optimistic about this dream, in a fucked-up kinda way. 

and later that same morning I saw this.