the freedom to do things

last night's dream: I'm standing in a shower, water on but not spraying, covertly smoking a cigarette. I expect the water will help eradicate the smell. I'm smoking a Camel Wide, the first pack I grabbed. "I'll only have the one, and then I'll throw the pack away" I decide. or hide it somewhere for later. ash circles the drain. the ceramic tub is baby blue. I throw the cigarette out the window and turn the shower head on. I push my hair out of my eyes and my hands smell disgusting. 

*

it's always so harrowing to wake up from smoking dreams. sometimes my fingers are clenched like I'm still holding a cigarette. it's relief, followed by an irritating sense of missing. I can't help but think, however briefly and however erroneously, that this would solve everything. it's been years and I still dream about this shit? smoking made such brilliant fucked-up sense in so many ways. 

*

somewhere in the CD. oh picturesque universe, stop flirting with my aesthetic sensibilities! 

celebrating my MRI with a Popsicle and some whiskey. Fuck, Thursday was an exceptional day for multiple reasons. that evening, I even wrote TODAY WAS AWESOME! on my phone calendar so I wouldn't forget. 

I always disliked the crawly intimacy of seeing mouth-marks on things like Popsicles. it's the same reason Butterfingers repulse me. I mean, they're tasty as fuck, but the way saliva clings to the shrapnel is just vile. and lip prints on glasses? 

such appallingly privileged biases! 

Capitol Hill. 

Ginger tea and honey and I ain't even sick. it's so nurturing, like giving your esophagus a hug. 

The Gables, 16th & Harrison. built 1911, 24 units, original rent $45/month. an adjacent observatory with a dance floor, roof garden, and billiard table was finished in 1912. 

what I refer to as "spit bugs", Wikipedia calls "plant-sucking nymphs which encase themselves in froth in springtime." YOU WIN, Internet! the spit is actually foamy plant sap that insulates the nymph and keeps it from drying out while it feeds. as adults (common term "froghopper", technically Cercopoidea) they look like beetly flies and can jump with greater trajectory and distance than fleas. 

now we know! this dewy subdroplet was an added bonus. 

beach crab! 

human laziness at Discovery Park. 

and the tide folding in on itself. 

there are so many emotionally therapeutic vantage points in this city!  

I have felt happier and calmer in the past few days than I've felt in weeks. 

high five.